Instant Messengers, What Instant Messengers?

by Dave Berkowitz

Number of instant messengers worth reviewing: 5.
Hours of sleep lost through five years of instant messaging: 2,394.
Conversations I've had with people I don't even like: 8,063.
Time spent talking to friends and family around the globe: Priceless.

It's a classic case of the good, the bad, and the addictive. Instant messaging has invaded all realms of Internet usage, from the dorm to the home to the workplace. Now instant messengers are almost as essential as Web browsers for Internet users, and they're much more addictive. Why spend your time on static Web pages when you can speak to your old college roommate, your aunt, and that guy Seinfeld's Kramer was based on (America Online screen name: originalkramer)?

The most widespread IM software, at least in the U.S., is America Online's. Abbreviated AIM (AOL Instant Messenger), it set the standard as the easiest, most user-friendly personal chat tool. While several other messengers have more bells and whistles, AIM had a big surge in usability when its users were able to communicate with AOL users. Long-time users of AIM will remember those nasty messages they received years back: you can't talk to AOL users, so go join AOL or stuff your tail between your legs and join Prodigy, you wuss! (Yeah, AOL was pretty nasty before it started courting Time Warner.)

While there are several Instant Messengers out there surviving on a small user base (small = the guy who invented it and his three friends), I'm out to dissect the big boys. At work, I regularly use four IM devices, and there's a fifth I use at home; having all those running is probably why my computers keep crashing. I use AIM to speak to the bulk of my friends, MSN to speak to my former coworkers, ICQ to speak to a friend of a friend who goes to Harvard (freakin' elitist), Yahoo to check my mail, and Odigo solely because of that huge coolness factor. So what's the difference between all these things? Some features that were once options have become standard on all five, including buddy chat and file transfer. With all of them copying each other's features, it's getting harder to tell them apart.

Here's a breakdown of the instant messengers, so you can decide for yourself whether you want to stick with what you've got or brave new terrain. Included in the reviews are their ranks in the hallowed kingdom of instant messengers, their coolness factor in terms of John Travolta movies, usability ratings (this is Webword, right?), and notable features.

AIM
Rank in IM kingdom: Merciful King. Not the brightest of kings, but he's secure in his prowess. 

Coolness Factor in terms of John Travolta movies: the moderate coolness of Phenomenon. The coolness peaks when a new version comes out. When they've gradually added features like group chats, more emoticons, voice chat, and directly sending images in the message window, those features were so cool that everyone used them for a week. At the end of the week, everyone just goes back to talking to their friends like they always did. The coolness never lasts.

Usability: Easy to add buddies, easy to chat. There are still frequent snags in file transfers, and some simple options like changing the message font require too many menus. For the casual user, it's the easiest to deal with.

Features: 

• Offline Messaging: No

• Do Buddies Need Permission to Add You: No

• Voice Chat: Yes

Summary: If all your friends use it, you might as well too. 

ICQ
Rank in IM Kingdom: Crown Prince from the Middle East. This man of the world owns every high-tech gadget out there. 

Coolness Factor in terms of John Travolta movies: Broken Arrow. While the design combines 1960's flower power icons with a dull, industrial façade, it's got more accessories than James Bond. 

Usability: All the features are a simple mouse click away, and you can choose whether you want the right or left mouse button to trigger the menus. Still, with so many features (including greeting cards, contact exchanges, and other plugins), you have to get used to the menus before you can easily find your favorite tools.

Features:

• Offline Messaging: Yes (the reason I fell in love with it back in its original release)

• Do Buddies Need Permission to Add You: Optional (you choose your privacy level)

• Voice Chat: No, but you can send individual voice messages back and forth the same way you send IM's. It's weird that it was a pioneer for IM chatting (it had group chat capabilities years before AIM), but it lags behind in the voice chat.

Summary: Founded in Israel and bought out by AOL, Mirabilis (ICQ's creators) continues to hold creative control over this global communications network. Check out the Web site (www.icq.com), and you'll see that IM'ing is just a small part of the networking tools available. Get over their floral icons and their cutesy name (it's not an acronym; say the letters aloud and it sounds like "I seek you"), and give this puppy a test drive. 

MSN
Rank in IM Kingdom: Thinks it's God. It isn't; AIM still rules. But MSN keeps thinking, "Without Windows, no one could use AIM, so I'm with the big boys!" Keep dreaming.

Coolness Factor in terms of John Travolta movies: Face/Off. The newest version of MSN messenger comes with MSN Explorer, that sleek but slow-loading newfangled enhanced Web browser. Design-wise, it won me over. I'll talk to people on it just because I like the look. With features, it's still streamlined and gives you the bare basics. If you're not using MSN Explorer (and since it takes so long to sign in, I've since deleted it), the coolness factor simmers down considerably to the more moderate Get Shorty level.

Usability: Fine for those who don't mind right-clicking their brains out to make a simple font change. Very little is laid out in front, so some useful features are hidden in pull-down menus.

Features:

• Offline Messaging: No

• Do Buddies Need Permission to Add You: Yes

• Voice Chat: Yes

Summary: This will also check a hotmail account, giving it added value, and some people actually use MSN. If Bill Gates has his way, this will one day be the standard for IM software, so you might as well bite the bullet and start using it now before he comes to your house and beats you senseless.

Yahoo
Rank in IM Kingdom: "Hey, would ye mind shoveling the noble's manure with a bit more haste?" Yeah, it's a serf, the lowest of the low (but notable enough to be ranked at all). No one uses this for an IM tool, and for good reason. It's the least original.

Coolness Factor in terms of John Travolta movies: Look Who's Talking. This is the bastard child of AOL Instant Messenger and Microsoft Word. That makes it more user-friendly, but it's about as hip as a Walkman.

Usability: Okay, here's where it scores some points. Yahoo copied off of the big boys, so the buttons and features are easy to find. Let's just be nice and assume they think copying is a form of flattery. Yeah, you didn't buy that in third grade either, did you? 

Features:

• Offline Messaging: Yes

• Do Buddies Need Permission to Add You: Yes

• Voice Chat: Yes

Summary: If you use Yahoo e-mail and you've got to know immediately when e-mail arrives in your inbox, download this. If you want IM software, use anything but.

Odigo
Rank in IM Kingdom: Court Jester. Odigo's still an oddball. Few would use this as their primary IM, especially in the U.S. (it seems to be hot on ICQ's tail for a strong international following). It's a fun little gizmo to keep on the side.

Coolness Factor in terms of John Travolta movies: Pulp Fiction. This is the royale with cheese of IM. Every user is represented by a little boy or girl logo in a radar screen. Along with keeping tabs on your friends, you can see whem other Odigo users are on the same Web site you're visiting. 

Usability: This is where the jester starts ticking me off. Odigo attempted to be compatible with ICQ, but there's a catch. You can't run ICQ and Odigo simultaneously (ICQ will disconnect), and ICQ has a lot of fun features that young Odigo lacks. Now Odigo has a feature to make it compatible with AIM, but you can't use both simultaneously. 

Features:

• Offline Messaging: Yes

• Do Buddies Need Permission to Add You: Yes

• Voice Chat: Yes

Summary: It's snazzy, it's new, and it's getting better by the month, but it's compatibility issues are killers. It's generally the first IM software I have to close when I crowd my RAM, solely because of compatibility issues. On the plus side, it's fun, and it's the most original, entertaining software out there, so get a few of your friends to download this and play hide and seek with them while you track them on your radar screen.

At A Glance

  Dave Berkowitz is the visionary founder of Trafficzine.com, a collegiate entertainment e-zine.  He has recently branched off from serving as Trafficzine's Editor in Chief, Business Manager, and Webmaster to work on projects with Menus.com, Takeoutmusic.com, and most recently Broomecloset.com.  His passion is writing.  Whether it's children's stories, technical reports, reviews, satirical columns, or even cover letters for faxes, he takes great pride in the power of the written word. 

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