The Job Hunt: Rich Uncle vs. Monster.com

by David Berkowitz 

Every senior in college not planning on heading directly to graduate school has their breaking point.  For some, it's the summer before senior year. For others, it's when they first get the mailing about the date and time of commencement.  For the more laid-back, it's when their bank account is drained, they've memorized every recurring listing in TV Guide, and their parents are sick of that smell of rotting flesh wafting out of the bedroom on the second floor. 

It's the breaking point that leads the senior (or, in the case of the laid-back, the alumnus) to start looking for a job.  With absolute certainty, I'm now going to tell you the #1, surefire way to land a job with a great salary and benefits whenever you're ready to start working.  This has been tested time and time again, and I assure you that this will work 100% of the time.  Drumroll, please... 

Be the loving relative of a company's CEO!

That's right, if Ted Turner is your mother's goat's long-lost shepherd, give uncle Teddy a call.  If your grandma just started up knittingpatternsforcats.com and she's hiring an administrative assistant, you're bound to have an easy ticket into the job industry.  Perhaps your dad plays poker with the CFO of a mutual fund company; it's time you sat in on a game (sidenote: let the CFO win).  Unfortunately, my father's a gastroenterologist, so my only chance for entry-level work through him is the glamorous position of the guy who cleans up after an enema overdose. 

Since the old-fashioned way didn't work for me, I had to find some other way to land a job once my breaking point hit in early April.  I could have tried looking through classifieds, calling companies, and mailing out my resume, but my Internet addiction has led me to shun human contact whenever possible.  I can't imagine how many people I might run into walking from my apartment to the mailbox down the hall to mail the letter.  I had only one option left: attempt the online job search. 

A friend of mine who graduated from an ivy league school a year ago said that he didn't know anyone who had used the Internet to find a job.  This was just a year ago. Granted, it was at an ivy league school, so many of his peers probably did have relatives who were CEO's.  While my research might be flawed (if my professors read this, they'd cringe from my sampling bias and try to stop my degree from processing), I will make the daring, unbelievable assertion that, yes indeed, more people are looking for jobs online today than they were a year ago. Whoa, let that digest. 

Okay, you should have regained consciousness by now. 

The problem with the online job search is that there are way too many of these websites.  Without much difficulty, you can find an online bagel store that doubles as a job placement agency (as well they should, since it's probably hard to sell freshly-baked wheat products online).  Have you ever driven down Main Street and seen a "Help Wanted" sign in the window?  Well, that makes you qualified to start a job-search website of your own. 

Fortunately, Uncle Dave is here to point out a couple of good ones for you. I'll only mention free sites, since Uncle Dave is a cheap bastard who only pays when he's desperate.  Since my flesh isn't rotting yet (or at least, the smell isn't too bad), I can afford to take my chances with the free sites. 

I'll keep it simple today.  I'll limit my list of job-finder sites to three, since there are only three that I can remember.  At some point or another, I've registered with Careerworld, Careerpath, Careernet, E-Careers, Careersfordummies, Careersforcattle, and Careersformildlyfrustratedgraduatingseniorswithnoconnectionsorjobskills. With all these sites, I registered to the .com's, .net's, and .org's.  A few of them might even be really, really good, so good that you'll find a job before you even log on to the site.  If you do find a site like that, don't tell anyone, since it will only increase the competition for the jobs.  But e-mail me, because without such witty remarks about finding jobs for cattle, you'd never know where to begin. 

I began with Jobzone.com.  Then I realized it was in German.  So I moved on to Jobdirect.com. 

Job Direct

• URL: http://www.jobdirect.com

• Motto: Finding a job is hard.  Jobdirect.com can help. 

• What the motto should be: Finding a job is hard. Jobdirect.com can make it  seem like you're being productive, even when the only job you'll get is for Enterprise Rent-A-Car or the State Police, Commonwealth of Virginia

• Resume format: Standard sections such as "objective," "employment," and "skills," so you can copy and paste your resume piece by piece. 

• Pros: This is a student-oriented site.  It loves college kids, and it has a devoted army of college representatives ready to stalk women in their dorm rooms just to make them log on to the site.  (Please note that I don't advocate stalking young women, unless you're in love with her and stalking her is the only way to make her realize it.)  They'll e-mail you with updates, and the bonus is that they'll e-mail you the specific jobs and locations, so you don't need to check the site to see what job listings are there. 

• Cons: I think that regardless of what categories you select for your job search, everyone gets some of the same job listings.  I'm a creative-minded type looking for work in the media or maybe a dot.com, and I still get these listings from Enterprise and the Virginia police.  I was talking to a friend of mine from the School of Management, and he seemed to have gotten the exact same job listings.  If you have a creative writer competing with an accountant, something is seriously wrong. 

• Other comments: Is Virginia really a commonwealth? 

HotJobs

• URL: http://www.hotjobs.com

• Motto: The hottest hand on the web. 

• What the motto should be: The hand might turn you on, but it's more likely to slap you upside the head.

• Resume format: Just copy and paste in one big chunk.

• Pros: They do have a lot of funky jobs listed.  The job search is pretty easy to use, and you can easily browse jobs by city, company, or category. It's a pretty standard job search site with fun colors. 

• Cons: Their cursors can be annoying, and there's also the issue where having job skills really helps to landing a job.  Cover letters are optional, but I have this feeling that one reason I haven't gotten any returned phone calls is that I skip the cover letter and just send them the resume. 

• Other comments: There's no harm to putting a resume up here, and you might find some interesting jobs worth applying to. 

Monster

• URL: http://www.monster.com

• Motto: Work.  Life.  Possibilities.

• What the motto should be: Work.  Life.  Apply to hundreds of jobs you're not qualified for. 

• Resume format: An extensive series of questions to build up a personal profile.  It could take as little as 15-20 minutes, but if you have lots of job skills and work experience, it could take significantly longer.  Plus, there are subjective questions you have to think about, such as "What would  be your ideal job?" 

• Pros: Take the time to fill out the profile; it's worth it.  Since it's a pain writing cover letters for each company, having an in-depth biography is a crafty alternative.  This is the easiest site out there for applying.  Set up between one and five job agents with your search criteria, and log on daily to see what's out there.  Using Monster, I felt like I was playing a video game with a $30,000 reward ready for me if I beat it.  If you want to do research, there is a huge selection of resources filled with career advice tailored to your stage in life or job category preference. 

• Cons: The design is simple, and the purple schematic isn't necessarily the most eye-pleasing color.  However, its simplicity is duplicitous; the pages load quickly and they're easy to navigate.  I was just trying to come up with a con for Monster, but I really haven't found any yet.  Okay, so the personal profile could take a half hour to build.  All that means is you have an extra way to stand out from the other applicants. 

• Other comments: This granddaddy of job sites is the best-established and most comprehensive of any site out there.  Without having any connections or relevant job credentials, it landed me several job interviews. It also got me a job. 

You're not guaranteed a job by searching online, but it's an easy alternative to the old-fashioned methods of knocking on doors or circling classified ads. 

Remember, rich uncle first, Internet second.

  Dave Berkowitz is the visionary founder of Trafficzine.com, a collegiate entertainment e-zine.  He has recently branched off from serving as Trafficzine's Editor in Chief, Business Manager, and Webmaster to work on projects with Menus.com, Takeoutmusic.com, and most recently Broomecloset.com.  His passion is writing.  Whether it's children's stories, technical reports, reviews, satirical columns, or even cover letters for faxes, he takes great pride in the power of the written word. 

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